A Snowy Day in Germany

Bamberg, Germany

Our friends just had a beautiful baby girl on Wednesday. This was the view from their hospital room window yesterday. I had stopped by for a visit and just couldn't resist snapping a few pictures of the scenery. It looks fake, right?

The First of Many ( I Hope!) Castle Adventures

Neuschwanstein

For Josh's belated birthday trip, we traveled south towards the German/Austrian border for an autumn weekend among castles and the Alps. This might as well have been a trip for me since I'd been dying to see the Schloss Neuschwanstein ever since my mom sent me a postcard from this Disney princess-like wonderland fifteen years ago. It did not disappoint.

We stayed in a great hotel at the base of the Schloss Hohenschwangau for the first weekend of November and spent a lovely Saturday touring both castles.

Hotel Muller

We visited Schloss Hohenschwangau first.

View of Hohenschwangau from our hotel room.

Hohenschwangau

 

 

 

 

View of Neuschwanstein from Hohenschwangau.

 

 

Josh at Neuschwanstein

Me and Neuschwanstein

Super scary bridge that we walked on, but we were rewarded for overcoming height-related fears with awesome views of the castle.

 

View from Neuschwanstein. Hohenschwangau is on the hill to right and our hotel was below that.

I have missed seeing mountains all the time. It's pretty flat where we live. There is a "hill" in Nuremberg, but it's no Mt Hood rising dramatically from sea level to 11,000 ft. So getting to be around mountains in addition the castle viewing frenzy made me very happy.

 

Sigh. I'm ready to go back.

The Shelf

A quick disclaimer:  I, Josh, have hijacked this blog to offer up a few words on poop.   And while I know there are a myriad of reasons for a casual reader of the Curti Abroad to turn away, to close the browser, to “check back next week”, I am undeterred.   The sickly sweet stench of truth must be told.

But for those who don’t deign to discuss a deuce, who refuse to reflect on their refuse, who flinch from feces, scatter from scat, evade excretion, and cringe when they crap.  You may go.  I forgive your squeamish guts and offer you this as a parting gift.

Sidebar: check out that paragraph.  I’m the Dr. Seuss of shit.

But for those still reading, I like the cut of your jib.  You’re a good sport and you can continue to be my friend. 

Now follow me on a plunge into the toilet bowl and stand aghast as I introduce you to the horror that is: The Shelf.

It is a common misconception that the Europeans are the global leaders in the bathroom arts.   And while it cannot be denied that the bidet exudes old world sophistication as it blasts water into your ass, the design of a European toilet has not evolved far from shitting into a trough.

Behold

I’m sure you look at this wonderful rendition of The Shelf, and think, “Oh, that doesn’t look so bad.  The hole is just a little smaller, and in a strange place.”  Come on over to Germany then.  Take a dump in my bathroom.  And see if I have any sympathy for your stinky tears.

Now, the entire concept of the toilet is to put as much distance between you and your poop as possible.  Suck it down a pipe and send it far far away.  Which is all fine and well once the job has been finished.  But this leaves the restless and fretful moments while you are still firmly planted on the seat, hovering above the fine mess you created.  It is during this time, as we all know, that shit gets real.

A barrier is needed.  American toilet engineers cunningly employed the already existing evacuation system to solve this problem, rounding the bottom of the bowl and simply allowing the water level to rise and form a pool.  Malign not this hellish fishbowl, for it has saved your nose unspeakable trauma.  Only a level five stench can permeate the watery grave.  The European Shelf grants you no such protection.  It’s just you and it.  Like a naked guy sitting next to you in a sauna.  Awkward and frightening.

And we all know that shit rolls downhill but there is no such luck here, friend.  The Shelf provides a broad flat landing site, like a fine slate billiard table.  And as a twisted bonus, The Shelf sits at a regulation depth of four inches.  Story problem time - you eat a burrito and drink three cups of coffee.  Solve for x.  

I will spare you any descriptions of the scent of fresh moist shit however we must spend a moment on residue.  Upon flushing, The Shelf does issue a shotgun blast of water but this has little impact on dry porcelain.  Stains abound.  And though I have not yet seen it, I am convinced that this powerful water jet could launch a turd beyond The Shelf’s gravitational pull.  I hope to never glimpse that horror.

So never make the mistake of thinking that this is just a magical land of beer gardens, half timbered homes, castles, museums, and incredible labor laws.  There is a toll to be paid and it is collected daily, right in your own home.

Come Take a Walk With Me....

Time for pictures!

Last week was gorgeous, but freezing. Literally. And I'm so nerd-tastic that I compared weather forecasts for Nuremberg and Portland. The daily highs were about the same, but Nuremberg was averaging 15 degrees cooler in the lows category. Also, we had sun and Portland had...well, rain. No surprise there. I decided to take advantage of the blue sky and I went for a walk from our apartment to the center of the old city to take pictures specifically for this blog.  Click here to see a map of the old city. This is the portion of the city that is surrounded by a medieval wall. Josh and I live outside of this wall, but it only takes a 10 minute walk full of visual delights to reach it. 

So please join me for a "walk" from our apartment to the city center...

The view from our kitchen window.

The view from our living room window.

The patio/courtyard area for our building. This is a work in progress, but we've been told that there will be a table and chairs out there come spring. Also, we can have a grill and do all the container gardening that we want.

St. Johannis Cemetary. Albrecht Dürer is buried here and this church and cemetery were untouched by the WWII.

St. Johannis Cemetary - I like to incorporate it in my walks to the old city. Much more peaceful than walking along the street.

St. Johannis

Once I leave the cemetery I have my choice of walking paths down to the river.

Frost! See, it was really cold. This was at noon.

These houses overlook the park that is by the river.

Almost to the wall but of course I didn't take a picture of it. So lame.

Just inside our entrance to the city wall. A beer garden along the river? I'm in!

One of my favorite streets. My favorite bar is on this street. Coincidence?

Hauptmarkt and daily produce market. This is where the Christmas market will go down!

The Hangman's Bridge

While taking this picture a a youngish man stopped to watch me take this picture. He took turns looking at me and looking at where my camera was pointing in bewilderment. Like this wasn't worth taking a picture of and was the most hideous thing he has ever seen! He did this the entire time I  was stopped and was still confusedly standing there when I left. The staring is out of control here!

This was a fairly short walk, but I wanted to give everyone an idea of what a typical walk to the heart of our new city looks like. Give any of the pictures a click if want to make them larger.

Teaser: Josh is currently working on his first guest post for the blog - it's regarding one of my favorite subjects. Get excited.